Why Care? Beyond Discomfort - The Launch

“And so for me, I always felt like I was desperately trying to fit in, where it wasn't until my early 30s, did I actually look at myself and go, gosh, yeah, I'm brown. Because, I worked so hard to fit in that I convinced myself that I was like everyone else - that I was white, and the skin colour didn't matter. So that's, that's my story of just not knowing what it feels like. And I don't want anyone to feel like they don't belong, because life's too short. Why can't we just all enjoy each other and feel that togetherness and connectedness? And so that's driven me into diversity, equity, and inclusion, because I see the power that you can create when you see the incredible things that can come from people connecting with each other, trusting or collaborating, really seeing each other, wanting to understand each other. And hearing each other's voices and hearing each other's uniqueness and accepting that uniqueness. And embracing it and going I don't agree with you, but that's okay. When I see the world and it's just so full of hate and separation, I don't get it. And I don't see why it should be.”

This is a unique Why Care? episode - a live fireside chat where I am the one being interviewed! The interviewer is my dear friend, Darin de Klerk, as we discuss all things Beyond Discomfort at my Book Launch event, which took place on 21st March 2024. During our intimate conversation, we tackle the challenges of leadership development and the significance of valuing diverse perspectives. I share some insights into the soul of my new book, my personal journey growing up as a minority in the UK, navigating power dynamics, cross-cultural partnerships, and experiences with identity. We also cover more about leading with the heart, the concept of trauma and privilege, navigating discomfort, activism, allyship, and the power of empathy.

Darin De Klerk and I first crossed paths together in 2015, and I am genuinely honoured and privileged that one of my closest friends was able to join me live on stage at such a significant event in my career. Darin is a highly esteemed Business Psychologist and shares my passion for DEI. This is reflected in his years of experience as the Director of YSC Consulting, a leadership strategy consultancy.

At the start of the discussion, Darin offers a warm and entertaining welcome to my guests, detailing more about how our working relationship has blossomed into such a supportive, inspiring, and close friendship. He then shares more insights into my passion for DEI, my professional journey, and lists some of my achievements to date, as a Chartered occupational psychologist, certified coach, podcast host, and now a celebrated author. This year has flown by so fast, it was truly humbling to gain recognition for some of my awards, such as being listed as HR Most Influential Thinker, 2023, and HR Champion of the Year at the European Diversity Awards.

I elaborate on some of the key concepts of my book and what originally sparked my motivation to finally put pen to paper. I reflect on some of the core challenges I encountered facilitating conversations with leaders globally and creating inclusive leadership, such as leaders actively pushing back. These emotional barriers stem from differing belief systems on inclusion. I realise that more needs to be done to address these barriers, encourage leaders to adopt an inclusive mindset, and set out on a journey of understanding, to be able to initiate organisational change.

Key Points:

-Emotional Approach: As a psychologist, I advocate adopting a reflective approach to help leaders understand emotional barriers. I also encourage introspection, and exploring their own beliefs to understand who they are and gain more self-awareness. This can help enhance their receptiveness to learning about leadership, inclusion, and other people and active allyship. I discuss more about my Beyond Discomfort model of leadership, but point out how I don’t believe in putting people in boxes, as everyone is unique. Encouraging leaders to understand themselves, their emotions, and their beliefs can also help ignite their curiosity to view things differently.

-Personal story: I share more about my backstory, which shaped my journey with DEI. As a first-generation UK-born Mauritian, I grew up as an ethnic minority in a predominantly white area. I encountered prejudices and faced struggles with identity, belonging, and feeling like an outsider. This inspired me to strive harder to succeed, and I was privileged to receive the same education as middle-class families, but I always tried hard to assimilate. These experiences fueled my commitment to ensuring everyone feels like they belong, nurturing connections, listening to other voices, and embracing uniqueness, and diversity.

-Leading with the Heart: I challenge the traditional norms surrounding a strong, archetypal leader. Instead, I urge leaders to shift away from traditional leadership models and lead with the heart versus the head. This means valuing individuals for their uniqueness, strengths, and weaknesses and embracing their differences. It also involves taking the time to understand their perspective, so you can treat them in a way that brings out the best in them.

-White Privilege and Invisible Traumas: As I share an extract from my book, about the challenges of cross-cultural partnerships, I reflect on the concept of white privilege, its cultural associations, and how the world treats people differently due to their diversity. I  urge readers to explore and reflect on their own beliefs and experiences, unearned privileges, and to have a sensitive curiosity about others’ invisible traumas. By provoking thought, this can help leaders see the world through a different lens and foster meaningful conversations.

-Willingness to Act: I stress the importance of self-awareness and willingness to act as allies. This can help leaders integrate diversity and inclusion initiatives. I recognise some leaders may be fearful of losing power, challenging the status quo and the pendulum swinging the other way. This is what I call a Disconcerted Leader. However, there are power dynamics at play in every system. It is the responsibility of leaders to have the courage to self-reflect, navigate this fear, let go of the status quo, and understand how diversity can bring fresh perspectives and allyship.

-Disconcerted and Proof Seeking Leaders: I discuss the challenges of working with Disconcerted leaders who feel fearful or stuck around the notion of inclusion. I encourage coaching to help them to navigate this discomfort and have the courage to take action. I have also encountered Proof Seeking leaders who seek evidence and data before embracing DEI. I invite these leaders to move beyond this and embrace how diversity can be complex and not always certain. It’s important to be curious, and show empathy and understanding to help cultivate inclusive working environments.

Links:

Purchase your copy of my book: Beyond Discomfort: Why inclusive leadership is so hard (and what you can do about it)

Links to my recent articles, interviews and a webinar:

How to be a Truly Inclusive Leader Part of the Leading and Learning webinar series for the Tes Magazine Leadership Forum 

Why Diversity Is Good For Business: Authority Magazine 

Could the four-day week widen racial and gender inequalities?: People Management magazine

Has the DEI Pendulum Swung Too Far?: Diversity Network

Playing the race card’: What underpins a proof-seeking leader?: HR Zone