Why Care? Special Episode: Dame Kelly Holmes. - Unique
“I was super scared of going into pride...You know, the fact is, that I'd already now alluded to the fact I was gay. I mean, so it was easier to now be there. But, I didn't know how I was going to feel about being submersed in that world, because I'd been so far detached. Now, I know there's an element of people that go, “Well, of course, we knew… Why didn't you come out earlier, but you don't know my story. And it became some of the bits that I was listening to thinking… now I have this whole thought process of, there's so many people like me out there that are petrified for whatever reason of really showing their truth…So the community, they expect you to be a voice for people when you're in the public eye, but…if you have a life like I did, that's not a normal, natural thing to suddenly do. And so you're battling against people who are very proud of you and so happy for you to people questioning your reasons for not doing it in the first place - without actually understanding people.”
In the second special celebrity episode of Why Care? I am joined by the multi-talented, Double Olympic Champion, Dame Kelly Holmes. We dive deeper into her journey of self-discovery, personal experiences, and traumas, which she explores in her powerful memoir Unique. Kelly shares her emotional backstory in which she concealed her true identity and sexuality from the public and lived in fear for most of her life. We discuss the discriminatory military laws and systemic mistreatment of LGBTQ+ individuals in the British army, as well as the mental health impact. As a world-class athlete, Kelly opens up about the pressure to hide her sexuality, and how she overcame her fears and revealed her authentic self publicly. Kelly then shares her experiences attending a Pride event, becoming part of a supportive community, and about her LGBTQ+ advocacy work.
At 18, Kelly pursued her dream to be an HGV driver and Physical Training Instructor in the British Army. In 1998, she was awarded a MBE for her services to the British Army and in 2018 became the first individual to be appointed Honorary Colonel to a regular unit. Meanwhile, Kelly also pursued her Olympic dream and was catapulted to fame in 2004 at the Athens Olympic Games for being the first woman ever in Great Britain to win two gold medals at the same games. She continued to raise the bar as an Olympic, Commonwealth, and European champion, achieving seven Gold, eight Silver, and four Bronze medals. She also won BBC Sports Personality of the Year and European Athlete of the Year.
During the episode, Kelly shares her experiences of concealing her true identity and the fear she faced in revealing her sexuality to the public. She highlights the importance of education, understanding, acceptance, and authenticity regarding LGBTQ+ issues and the need to normalise attitudes toward the LGBTQ+ community. As Kelly recounts her extraordinary life story, she uncovers her experiences in the military, the traumatic military raids, and discriminatory laws targeting LGBTQ+ individuals. She then exposes the wider systemic discrimination in the military and the psychological traumas and mental health issues it caused, which she explored in her ITV documentary, Kelly Holmes: Being Me.
As she developed her public persona as an international Olympic champion and world-class athlete, Kelly opens up about her fear of not being accepted for her sexuality and her anxiety about how this could impact her achievements. As she juggled her dual identity, she used defensive methods and was careful about how she projected herself to avoid judgment. Kelly then went on a journey of self-discovery, and at the age of 50, she finally accepted herself and came out about her sexuality. She embraced her true identity publicly the 2022 London Pride event, which was a powerful moment for her. Kelly acknowledges the pressures, challenges, and complexities of the coming out process, and uses her platform as an opportunity to combat stereotypes and to be an advocate for change. As a motivational speaker, Kelly shares how she connects with and inspires people through her personal experiences, but realises that her sexuality is just one aspect of her life. Now she has found happiness and inner peace, she focuses on her work and achievements and recognises the freedom of living authentically in a world where she can be proud to be herself, without the need for validation.
Key points:
- Challenging Societal Stigmas - Kelly reflects on how she realised she was attracted to women at a young age. However in the 1980s, she felt pressured as there were negative societal stigmas towards LGBTQ+ individuals. Over time, Kelly witnessed a societal shift, and she finally found the courage to reveal the truth about her sexuality. Now Kelly has found her ‘voice,’ she highlights the importance of acceptance, understanding, support, education, and normalising conversations about LGBTQ+ issues, especially for mental health and wellbeing. She also challenges everyone to reassess their prejudices, as sexuality shouldn’t be a barrier to success.
- Systemic Discrimination - Kelly reveals more about the pressures to conceal her identity while she pursued her military career, at a time when there were laws and even military raids against LGBTQ+ individuals. This meant she lived in a state of fear and anxiety, which had a lasting impact. Kelly exposed more about this systemic discrimination in her ITV documentary, Kelly Holmes: Being Me. In spite of her challenges, Kelly highlights that progress has been made in tackling this discrimination and highlights the significance of addressing mental health issues.
- Navigating Multiple Identities - Kelly reveals how she had a life-long passion to pursue her military career and athletic goals, as she associated this with her identity, self-worth, and a way to ‘blur her insecurities.’ Kelly also had to think strategically to balance both careers, and focused on her goals and her public image. Although she was put on a pedestal for her professional achievements, she lived in fear that her career could be shadowed by societal prejudices, simply for revealing her sexuality to the public. Kelly admits how, although she witnessed societal progress towards the LGBTQ+ community, this fear of ‘what if?’ was still engrained in her psyche.
- Concealing Her True Self - Kelly opens up about how much her fear of revealing her true self seeped into every aspect of her life, including her personal and professional interactions. She was reluctant to attend Pride events or even engage in discussions about diversity and inclusion. This overriding fear led her to maintain a guarded and detached demeanor for most of her life, to avoid people getting too close. This, she shares, took its toll on her mental health.
- Adjusting to a New Identity - Although she finally found her voice and opened up about her sexuality at the age of 50, she still found the process complex and faced challenges to adjust to her new identity. She felt pressure to share this aspect of her identity over and over again with each person she encountered.
- LGBTQ+ Advocacy - Kelly emphasises the importance of allowing everyone time and space to share their experiences and individual narrative. She then reflects on how she now feels empowered to embrace her authenticity on her terms, without fear. She uses her experiences to empower others and to be an advocate for diversity, inclusion, LQBTQ+ issues, and mental health.
Links:
Dame Kelly Holmes can be found on:
For more information about Dame Kelly Holmes, visit:
Dame Kelly Holmes’ charity: https://www.damekellyholmestrust.org/
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